A Christmas Excerpt from “Roll With It”

Ainslie grumbled under her breath as she did the best she could to stomp along the footpath in her high heels. The night had grown chilly, and she shivered as she made her way to Gadigal Avenue from Green Square Station. Her hair was dishevelled by the wind that had whipped up, her lipstick had been smudged during the amorous encounter she’d had with Aidan moments before everything had turned to shit, and she was blinded by rage. And all she wanted to do was get home and sleep it off.

Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed a car slowing down beside her. Her heart started to race and she walked a little faster. She kept her eyes fixed ahead, her hands trembling as she silently prayed the car would move along. But it didn’t. It just kept creeping along beside her. Her heart was now pounding in her ears, and goosebumps covered her skin. She was two seconds away from kicking off her shoes and making a run for it when she heard a voice.

“Ains?”

She knew that voice.

She spun towards the street, nearly falling off her heels. And she knew that car. The passenger window had been wound down, and James was peering at her from the driver’s seat, his eyebrows knitted together in concern.

“What are you doing here?” Ainslie dipped down to look through the window. “I thought you were at your mum’s place.”

“I was, but I wanted to beat the Boxing Day traffic. What are you doing here? I thought you were at the Corbins.”

Ainslie rolled her eyes. “Don’t even get me started.”

James frowned and unlocked the doors. Ainslie couldn’t have been more grateful, and she wasted no time climbing into the passenger seat. She slammed the door shut, threw her head back on the headrest and heaved an exaggerated sigh.

“So,” James said as he pulled away from the kerb, “what happened?”

“Would you believe another fight?”

“What was it about this time?”

“Strangely enough,” she said, “not skating.”

“That’s a first.”

“The day was actually okay!” she said, her voice unnaturally high. “His family were fine. They were happy for us. But then we went back to his place, and out of nowhere, he said when we’re married, we should move to Melbourne.”

James raised an eyebrow. “That’s out of the blue.”

“Yeah, I thought so too.” Ainslie pushed her fingers into her hair and rested her elbow on the window. “He said he’d been thinking about it for a while. His dad’s firm has an office in Melbourne. He said we should get a nice house there and start a family. I told him I didn’t want to go, he got the shits, and …”

She gazed out the window into the darkness.

“What?”

“He may not have brought up skating,” she replied, “but he sure brought up you.”

James pursed his lips and remained silent.

“He seemed pretty convinced that I didn’t want to move to Melbourne because I didn’t want to leave you.” She sighed. “I mean, I don’t want to leave you. I don’t want to leave any of you guys.”

“Hey,” James said, glancing across at her, “do you wanna head home? Or do you wanna hang out for a bit? Because I don’t really feel like heading straight to bed.”

Ainslie glanced back at him. “Okay, I’m keen. Where do you want to go?”

“I have an idea.”

***

James drove through the night, away from Ainslie’s apartment. There was a park at the crest of a hill in Rose Bay that looked down over the rooftops, all the way out over the harbour. You could see the bridge from up there, but it was only a tiny little coathanger on the horizon. The two of them had stumbled upon the park several years earlier when Sandra and Tim had first moved to the area. They used to work out there before Sandra installed the gym at the rink.

Ainslie smiled as they climbed out of the car. “I almost forgot about this place.”

It looked different at night. The lights of the city below and the moon beaming down from above cast an almost eerie glow across it, and as it was nearly midnight, they were the only ones there.

“Don’t worry.” James slammed the driver’s door shut. “We don’t have to do any push-ups.”

They took a seat side by side on the swing set and gazed out over the city.

“So,” Ainslie said eventually, “why didn’t Rachel go with you to your mum’s house? Are things okay with you guys?”

James dropped his head. “Actually, I’ve been trying to find the right time to end things.”

Ainslie frowned. “When did this happen?”

James shrugged. “I don’t know. It hasn’t been rosy for a while. I just don’t feel the same way about her as I used to.”

Or as I do about you.

“What do you think happened?”

He glanced over and caught her profile in the moonlight. His heart ached. He knew exactly what had happened.

He shrugged again. “I don’t know. Time goes on, things change. Eventually, you figure out who the most important people in your life are. Who you actually care about, and who’s just there so you don’t feel quite so lonely.”

“You’re only with Rachel because you don’t want to be lonely?” She turned to look at him, and his gaze fell to his feet.

“Maybe.” He kicked the dirt under his swing. “I don’t know. I just don’t think I can see myself spending the rest of my life with her. And I feel bad enough that I’ve led her on this long.”

“When are you going to end it?”

“I wanted to wait until the new year.” He sighed. “Didn’t want to ruin Christmas.”

“But then you’ll just ruin Valentine’s Day, and then her birthday, and then your anniversary.” Ainslie shook her head. “There’s never a good time to break someone’s heart.”

“Yeah, I know. I guess I’m just a coward.”

Ainslie let out a warm laugh and began swinging a little. “You’re not a coward. You’re just a good person. You’re caring and kind, and you don’t want to hurt people.”

James blushed. He was grateful it was dark.

“So, what are you going to do about this Melbourne thing?”

Ainslie sighed. “I don’t know. I can ignore it and hope it goes away?”

James chuckled half-heartedly. “Yeah, that always works great.”

She kicked up some dust as she slowed down her swing. “It’s just … I feel like he’s trying to isolate me so he can control me. Make it so he’s all I have. Things would be so much easier if he wasn’t so insecure about you and me being friends.”

“People don’t change easily, Goose. If he’s insecure now, chances are he’ll always be insecure. And sure, he can get rid of me if he likes, but I guarantee the second you make another friend who he deems takes up too much of your time, he’s going to hate them, too.”

Ainslie sighed heavily as she looked out over the city.

James followed her gaze, taking in the glittering view in front of them and doing his best to just enjoy her company and to not think too much about the fact that they were existing together on borrowed time. How many more moments like this would they have left?

James looked back at Ainslie, who was suppressing a yawn.

“Do you want me to take you home?”

Ainslie nodded, and the pair made their way slowly back to James’s car.

***

On the drive back to her apartment, Ainslie closed her eyes, thinking about the day she’d had. After a while, she realised her time with James was the first time that day she’d actually felt completely relaxed. Being with James was just so easy. No drama, no walking on eggshells. Just company, comfort, familiarity. Just the two of them, together like peas in a pod.

She hadn’t wanted to leave the park. She would have been more than happy to sit there with James forever. He’d completely and single-handedly redeemed her Christmas.

Being in Aidan’s company and then in James’s were polar opposite experiences, and that night — even if she knew she really shouldn’t have — Ainslie had definitely preferred the latter.

“Hey,” Ainslie said when they arrived at her building, “thanks for saving Christmas.”

James smiled. “Not a problem.”

She really didn’t want to get out of the car.

“Have a good day tomorrow,” she said.

“You too. Don’t work too hard.”

“Never.”

“I might come by and get a coffee. When do you get off shift?”

“Two.”

“Cool.”

“Cool.”

Ainslie couldn’t shake the feeling that they were both stalling. As if they were waiting for something to happen, but they didn’t know what. It didn’t matter, anyway. Nothing was going to happen.

“Okay, goodnight.” Ainslie opened the car door.

“Goodnight.”

“Thanks again.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Bye.”

What am I doing?

“Merry Christmas, Ainslie,” James said at last.

Ainslie smiled. “Merry Christmas, James.”

Copyright © Alex Ravenscroft 2022